Quotes

"I once knew a man who was allergic to everything. I'm not kidding. He was allergic to cats, dogs, trees, and even his own hair. We're not sure what's worse, the fact that he had to carry an EpiPen with him always or that his doctor was an Doctor Phil impersonator on the side.

"Someone once told me that the truth is like a fine wine - it gets better with age. I'm not sure if that's true, but I do know that my jokes are like beer - they get worse with age.