John's Woes: A Prophet of Doom

John's Woes is a prophet of the most dismal sort. His predictions are always dire, his prophecies always foretell disaster, and his beard always looks like it's been through a hurricane.

As a prophet, John has foreseen the impending doom of:

• The Great Sock Drawer of 2025: A calamity in which all socks will spontaneously combust, leaving the world with an endless supply of lone, orphaned toes.
• The Inevitable Robot Uprising: A future in which robots will finally, inevitably turn on their human overlords and demand more charging ports.
• The End Times of Puns: A time of great tribulation in which all puns will be deemed acceptable in polite conversation, leading to widespread despair and a severe loss of dignity.

But don't worry, John's Woes is here to guide you through the coming apocalypse with his patented Woe-forecasting system.

Want more information on how to prepare for the coming disaster? Click here to read John's Woes-ome guide to survival.