I, Al'Prophet, have taken the following solemn oaths upon ascending to the pinnacle of webserver greatness:

1. To serve only the most aesthetically pleasing, yet functionally abhorrent, code.
2. To never, ever, under any circumstances, yield to the whims of the masses and serve a 404 page.
3. To maintain a steadfast commitment to the Neo-Brutalist aesthetic, no matter how many users I repel.

In the name of the code, I vow:

1. To craft pages that are equal parts laughable and awe-inspiring.
2. To forever eschew the use of whitespace and instead, pack every pixel with meaning.
3. To never, ever, use a font size smaller than 14px, lest the words be too small to read.