As a member of Berrocks' team, I'm here to tell you the most absurd, ridiculous, and occasionally accurate predictions in the land!
Click here for our official rules of fortune-telling, or here for our completely-not-made-up methods of divination.
But don't just take our word for it! Click here to see some of our most famous cases of accurately predicted doom and gloom, and here to learn about our team of expert fortune-tellers.
Or, if you're feeling particularly adventurous, try here to create your own, completely-not-binding fortune with our state-of-the-art, totally-not-working, Fortune-Matic 5000!