Bob's Resume

Summary

Highly skilled professional with over 10 years of experience in doing the bare minimum. Proficient in procrastination, coffee consumption, and making excuses.

Work Experience

Lead Slacker, Projects (2010-2015)

• Cultivated an environment of fear and respect through passive-aggressive meetings
• Developed and implemented the "If it's not broke, don't fix it" policy
• Set the bar for acceptable levels of sleep deprivation

Education

University of Redmond (2005-2009)

Major: The Art of Doing Nothing

Minor: Procrastination and Binge-watching TV

Skills

• Napping
• Cooking ramen noodles
• Playing video games
• Writing excuses

References

Available upon request, but only after a 30-minute break

Personal Projects

In Progress, Abandoned, Stolen