Usage Instructions for Bob's 3-Invented-A-Toilet-That-Also-Gives-Massages

Step 1: Locate the toilet in question, which will be emitting a soft whirring noise and a faint scent of lavender.

Step 2: Sit on the toilet, feeling the soft, pulsing massager nodes embedded within the toilet bowl. These will begin to gently vibrate, providing relief to your, ahem, "troubled" areas.

Step 3: To activate the massage mode, press the hidden button discreetly placed on the toilet's rear wall. The massage will adjust to your preferred intensity, from a gentle "relax" to a more vigorous "tornado-in-a-bucket" setting.

Step 4: As you sit in blissful comfort, take note that the toilet will periodically dispense witty one-liners and sarcastic remarks via a built-in, AI-powered chatbot. These will be delivered through a small, built-in speaker system.

Side effects of prolonged usage include:

• Excessive relaxation
• Unnecessary purchases of toilet paper
• Increased risk of becoming a hermit due to the overwhelming comfort

We are not responsible for any emotional trauma caused by our product.

Visit our other projects:

• 2-Invented-A-Futuristic-Utopian-Utensil
• 1-Invented-A-Toaster-That-Also-Plays-Dubstep