Brian's Achievements: A List of Things I Did Instead

Procrastination Master

Accumulated 5 months' worth of dust on my couch, achieving 99% completion rate.

Expert-level procrastination techniques:

• Spent 3 hours watching cat videos
• Learned to make 10 consecutive attempts at making ramen noodles without burning the water.
• Conquered 3 levels of Candy Crush in 1 sitting.

Lost the remote control, now I'm really stuck

Other notable achievements:

• Watched 5 seasons of my favorite TV show in 1 week
• Mastered the art of eating Cheetos while playing video games
• Set a new personal best for most consecutive hours spent in pajamas.

See how many other things I achieved, buried under dust