Brews of Anarchy: Expert Beer-Brewing Tips by Jane

Warning: Do not attempt to brew beer without first consulting with a qualified adult. Or a doctor. Or a lawyer. Possibly all three.

Step 1: Gather Ingredients (Don't be a cheapskate)

• Malt: 5 lbs of the finest organic, gluten-free, artisanal malt money can buy
• Hops: A few dozen of the freshest hops you can find, preferably from a local, organic farm
• Yeast: Don't even get me started on yeast. Just get the good stuff.

Now that you have your ingredients, it's time to get your brew on.

Step 2: Mash the Malt (Don't be a savage)

Crush, steep, and soak your grains in water until they're nice and soggy.

Or just use a food processor. We won't judge you.

Mashing: The Unsung Hero of Beer-Brewing

Step 3: Ferment and Enjoy!

Transfer your now-liquid-y goodness into a fermenter, add yeast, and... well, wait a few weeks.

When it's done, you can drink it. Or not. We won't judge you if you don't.

Fermentation: The Waiting Game Tips from the Trenches: Advanced Beer-Brewing Techniques