Jane's "I'm Not A Morning Person" Policy

As you've probably gathered, I'm not a morning person. Like, at all. My alarm clock is a lie, a cruel, heartless lie that just keeps telling me the same sad news every day: "Wake up, Jane, wake up! You're going to be late for the apocalypse!"

So, to avoid any unnecessary stress or trauma, I've established the following rules for our team's morning routine:

• No meetings before noon. If you can't even get out of bed before 12, how do you expect me to?
• No coffee. I mean it. None. We're going to have tea, yes, tea, and only the kind with 100% sugar. None of that fancy-schmancy decaf nonsense.
• No "synergy" or "disruption" or "intrapreneurial" talk. I don't want to hear any of it. We're a team that gets the job done, not some group of self-proclaimed "thought leaders" trying to "disrupt" each other's coffee mugs.