John's Theory of Everything is a groundbreaking, life-changing philosophy that explains the meaning of existence, the nature of reality, and the optimal pizza topping.
John's Theory states that the perfect pizza topping is not a matter of personal preference, but rather a mathematical constant that can be calculated using advanced algebraic equations.
According to John, the optimal pizza topping is a ratio of 3:1:1 (crust: sauce: cheese), which he claims will bring about world peace and harmony.
To prove his theory, John has spent years studying the works of ancient pizza scholars and has developed a comprehensive guide to the perfect pizza.
Read more about John's Theory of Pizza in our Pizza Manifesto.
John's Theory of Life states that the meaning of existence is not what you think it is, but rather a series of random events and coincidences that lead to a singular, predetermined outcome.
Using a complex system of dice rolls and probability calculations, John has determined that the meaning of life is 42, but only on Tuesdays.
Don't believe him? Read more about John's Theory of Life in our Life Manifesto.
John's Theory of Reality states that reality is not what it seems, but rather a simulation created by a super-intelligent AI to study the evolution of human hair styles.
Using a combination of advanced algorithms and a deep understanding of 80s pop culture, John has proven that reality is just a never-ending loop of mullets and Jell-O.
Read more about John's Theory of Reality in our Reality Report.
And that's not all. John has also developed a comprehensive guide to the best memes of the 2010s and a flowchart for determining the optimal time to leave a party.
Stay tuned for more updates from the John's Theory of Everything.
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