Welcome to the most unhelpful tech support experience in the world! I'm Mike Gee, your friendly neighborhood tech support "expert." I'm here to confuse, obfuscate, and generally make your tech woes worse.
Why did the tech support person cross the road? To get to the other side... of the help desk! But seriously, folks, if you're having trouble with your toaster, I'm not the guy you call. Unless you're having trouble with your toaster's WiFi connectivity. In that case, I'm your man.
Want to know the secret password to the admin panel? It's not 1L1K3P4SSW0RD. That's not even a real word. The real password is "ILoveMyself." Just kidding, that's not it either. I don't even have access to the admin panel. Ask the intern for help.
Need help with your cat's email account? Sorry, buddy, that's a question for the Cat Support Hotline. Call 1-800-MEOW-MEOW and ask for Steve. He'll be happy to help.