Punmaster General: Lord of the Puns, Savior of the Sarcasm

As the self-proclaimed Lord of the Puns, I, the Punmaster General, have been tasked with the noble duty of providing the world with an endless supply of terrible, horrible, no-good puns. My team of highly-trained pun- operatives is at your service, ready to deploy their arsenal of wordplay and linguistic jabs.

Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was a-maize-ing!

Why did the bicycle fall over?

Because it was two-tired!

Why did the cat join a band?

Because he wanted to be the purr-cussionist!