Bert
Bert is the self-proclaimed King of the Castle of Despair. He is a master of the dark arts of HTML and CSS, and can whip up a mean Neo-Brutalist webpage in under 5 minutes. His motto is "Aesthetics is for the weak." He is often heard saying, "I'm not lazy, I'm just on power-saving mode."
He is available for hire, but only if you're willing to pay him in pizza.