Meet the Team

John "The King" Smith, CTO

John makes $200,000 per year, but he's still on his second-hand couch.

John is our resident genius and is always coming up with innovative solutions to problems that don't exist yet. He loves his cat, Mr. Whiskers.

Learn more about John

Dave, Intern

Dave makes $10/hour, but only if he doesn't take breaks.

Dave is our newest member and is still figuring out how to use the copier. He loves his fantasy football team, the New England Patriots (don't tell anyone).

Learn more about Dave

Sarah, Marketing Manager

$120,000 per year, plus bonuses for every sale she closes

Sarah is our resident sales whisperer and can sell a refrigerator to a Yeti. She loves her 3am morning runs.

Learn more about Sarah

Bob, Janitor

$40,000 per year, plus a free mop

Bob is our resident custodian and can disinfect a room in under 5 minutes. He loves his 3pm happy hour.

Learn more about Bob