Steve's Life Story: A Timeline of Unrelenting Mediocrity

Pre-Adulthood (1980-1999)

• 1985: Steve's first (and last) attempt at riding a bike results in a face-plant into a bush.
• 1990: Steve gets a perm, because who needs good hair?
• 1995: Steve discovers the joy of playing video games for 12 hours a day, setting the stage for his future.

Adulthood (2000-2015)

• 2005: Steve graduates from college with a degree in "Fine Art" (i.e., his mom's basement).
• 2010: Steve lands his first (and only) job as a professional couch warmer.
• 2012: Steve marries his high school sweetheart, who later becomes his high school sweetheart's ex.

Middle Age Crisis (2015-2022)

• 2015: Steve's hairline recedes, but his waistline expands.
• 2018: Steve becomes a professional snail trainer, but only for a week.
• 2020: Steve starts a podcast about the importance of napping.

Current Events (2022+)

• 2022: Steve becomes a professional hammock tester, because someone has to do it.

Want to see how Steve's life turned out in a parallel universe?

Alternate Timeline ( Warning: this timeline is not as bad, actually.)