Bob's 5 Techniques To Solve Your Problems

Technique 1: The Ancient Art of Procrastination

Stare at this wall for exactly 37 minutes and 13 seconds. It's scientifically proven to increase productivity by 0%.

Step 1: Find a wall

Any wall will do, but a wall with a nice view is recommended.

Find a wall

Step 2: Stare

Stare for exactly 37 minutes and 13 seconds, no more, no less.

Stare

Technique 2: The Art of Extreme Focus

Close all tabs, log out of all social media, and pretend you're a hermit.

Step 1: Close all tabs

Don't worry, they'll be back. Eventually.

Close all tabs

Step 2: Log out of all social media

Good luck, you'll never remember your login info.

Log out of all social media

Technique 3: The Power of Positive Self-Talk

Tell yourself you can do it. Repeatedly. For hours.

Step 1: Find a mirror

Any mirror will do, but a two-way mirror is highly recommended.

Find a mirror

Step 2: Repeat mantras

Repeat the same phrase 100 times. Faster. Louder. With conviction.

Repeat mantras

Technique 4: The Science of Multitasking

Do three things at once. Trust us, you can.

Step 1: Pick three tasks

Any three tasks will do, but we recommend choosing tasks that are mutually exclusive.

Pick three tasks

Step 2: Do them simultaneously

We're not responsible for brain damage.

Do them simultaneously

Technique 5: The Joy of Abandonment

Pretend you're a hermit and abandon all responsibility.

Step 1: Find a cave

Any cave will do, but a cave with a nice view is highly recommended.

Find a cave

Step 2: Live there forever

We won't judge you, but you should probably bring a snack.

Live there forever