Faking Responsibility: A Reading List for the Utterly Incompetent

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Chapter 4: Blatant Fabrication

Technique 12: The Art of Making Stuff Up

1. Start with a vague statement, then add more vague statements
2. Use buzzwords like "synergy" and "disrupt"
3. Omit any actual details, and instead focus on how good you look

Example: "I'm not just a procrastinator, I'm a visionary. I'm disrupting the traditional model of productivity with my innovative approach to doing nothing."

Technique 13: The Power of the Passive-Aggressive Tone

1. Use words like "obviously" and "clearly" to sound convincing
2. Make eye contact with a mirror
3. Smirk while saying it

Example: "Obviously, I'll get it done by the end of the week. Clearly, I'm a master of time management."

Technique 14: The Classic "I'm on a Break" Defense

1. Claim you're taking a break, but never actually take one
2. Just stare blankly at a wall for a few minutes
3. Explain that you were "recharging" and "refocusing"

Example: "I'm not avoiding work, I'm just on a break. I'm recharging my creativity and refocusing my priorities."

Remember, faking responsibility is an art form. Practice regularly to become a true master.

Continue to Chapter 5: The Art of Blatant Distraction