Congratulations, you've managed to pay for the most expensive subscription service in the multiverse. You must be some sort of masochist.
Your subscription includes:
- A daily dose of existential dread delivered straight to your inbox
- A complimentary side of despair, served with a side of regret
- A free trial of our patented brand of soul-crushing anxiety
But wait, there's more! You'll also get:
- A special discount on our premium brand of self-doubt
- A free upgrade to our "I'm-never-gonna-make-it" tier
Don't worry, it's not all bad. You'll also get:
- A personalized message from our team of highly trained, yet still-unfulfilled, therapists
Want more? Try our premium features:
- Access to our exclusive "I'm-a-loser" support group
- A chance to participate in our quarterly "I-give-up" focus group