Welcome to the Relaxation Zone

Where stress goes to die, and your wallet goes to cry

Located in a state-of-the-art, heavily guarded, highly secure, completely-not-a-legal, totally-not-a-brothel, totally-not-a-sweatshop, completely-not-a- sweatshop, but-actually-a- very-quiet-place-to-relax, zone.

Features:

• Zero distractions (except for that one fly buzzing around your head)
• Soft, calming ambiance (except for that one guy playing video games in the corner)
• A variety of meditation options (including "I'm not meditating, I'm just thinking of all the things I need to do when I leave this place")

Recommended Activities:

• Napping
• Daydreaming
• Staring at the wall for hours
• Crying

Sub-Zone:

• Nap Therapy (because 10 minutes is all you need to forget you ever existed)
• Sweat Shop of Peace (where we'll pretend to work, but actually just stare at the wall)
• Contemplation Cave (where we'll contemplate the meaning of life, or just watch paint dry)

Escape Artist is not a real feature, but we have an Illusion Room where we'll make you believe you're escaping, but really you're not