EPIC FAIL NOTIFIER

John's Therapist Has Declared EPIC FAILURE

Dear John,

According to the highly scientific and totally-not-made-up EPIC FAIL INDICATOR, your life has reached new heights of incompetence.

Here's your daily dose of shame and regret:

Today: Forgot to turn off the oven. Again.
Yesterday: Spilled coffee on your shirt while trying to "reheat" it.
Last week: Used a fork to pick up a dropped phone, resulting in 17 scratches and 3 dropped phone calls.

99%