Bizarre Bark Notification Center

Tree-mendous News!

Our tree has reached critical mass! It now has 17,432.5 kilograms of bark.

Recommended course of action: do nothing, as the tree will likely self-regulate.

View Bark Quantum Physics Explanation

Subtree Update

A sub-tree has been discovered to be 3.14 times larger than the main tree!

Recommended course of action: ignore it, it's just a minor anomaly.

View Anomaly Report