John's Resurrection Protocol

After years of slumber, John has awoken from his eternal naptime.

Reasons for Resurrection:

• Unækonomical coffee machine repair bills.
• Endless reruns of 'Days of our Lives' on TV.
• Unrelenting existential dread.

To aid in John's adjustment, we've prepared a series of sub-programs:

• Brain Frying - for those seeking a jolt of electricity.
• Meditation Mill - for those seeking inner peace.
• Sugar Reboot - for those seeking a sweet release.

Remember, John is still adjusting, so bear with him.