Phase 1: The Withdrawal Protocol

Welcome, John, to Phase 1 of your Naptime Withdrawal Treatment Plan.

Today, you will be subjected to a series of rigorous tests to determine the full extent of your naptime addiction.

These tests include, but are not limited to:

• The 5-Minute Attention Test: You will be forced to stare at this wall for 5 minutes without blinking.
• The 10-Minute Silence Test: You will be required to remain silent for 10 minutes while listening to elevator music.
• The 15-Minute Fidget Test: You will be given a ball of yarn and required to weave it into a coherent narrative.

Please report your results to the Naptime Withdrawal Treatment Center for further instructions.