Dear [Customer],
We regret to inform you that we will not be fulfilling your request for a custom brand of artisanal, gluten-free, vegan, non-GMO, soy-free, and organic cat food for our esteemed feline overlord, Mr. Whiskers.
Our team of highly trained, highly caffeinated experts have evaluated your specifications and deemed them utterly impractical. In a bold move, we have instead offered you a compromise: