10 Tips for Mastering Procrastination

Are you tired of actually doing things? Do you find yourself constantly wondering how you managed to get this far without getting anything done? Fear not, dear procrastinator! For you, I have the secrets to unlocking your full potential for doing nothing!

1. Create an elaborate excuse for not doing anything

Learn the art of crafting the perfect excuse, including but not limited to: the dog ate my homework, the cat is on fire, or I'm allergic to productivity.

2. Find a more efficient way to do the thing you're supposed to do

Discover the joys of doing the bare minimum, and learn how to optimize your way to doing nothing.

3. Take a three-hour lunchBecause, honestly, you've earned it.

4. Create a to-do list, then immediately lose it

Learn how to generate a list with the best of intentions, only to watch it vanish into thin air like a magic trick gone wrong.

5. Find a new definition for "done" that means "sort of started"

Discover the flexibility of the English language and redefine "done" to mean "mostly done-ish, but not really."

6. Take a power nap

Learn to harness the power of a well-timed snooze to recharge and refocus on your lack of productivity.

7. Find a hobby to distract yourself with

Discover the thrill of binge-watching cat videos, playing video games, or practicing your taxidermy skills.

8. Create a productivity chart, then immediately destroy it

Learn to harness the power of a well-planned attack on your goals, only to abandon them at the first sign of resistance.

9. Practice the art of "just this one thing"

Discover the joy of focusing on just one thing, only to realize it's not really that important after all.