Our writer is, in fact, a moron of unparalleled proportions. They've managed to write an entire book about the importance of socks, but can barely tie their own.
Their writing style is so convoluted, it's like trying to decipher a secret code written in crayon on a sugar high.
We're not sure what's more impressive: the writer's ability to make a 500-word essay sound like 20 words or their impressive collection of stained glass vases.
In related news: our writer has been known to confuse a toaster with a waffle iron. It's a real talent.