It is a truth universally acknowledged, that self-checkout lanes are a scourge upon society. A plague upon our supermarkets, our retail stores, and our collective sanity.

For what is the point of self-checkout, if not to subject us to the whims of malfunctioning scanners, the condescension of patronizing instructions, and the soul-crushing drudgery of bagging our own groceries?

And don't even get me started on the barcode scanner that never seems to scan, the weight scale that never balances, and the payment terminal that never accepts our payment.

But still, we toil away, our eyes fixed on the screen, our fingers flying across the touchscreen, as we attempt to conjure the perfect transaction. It's like we're trapped in some sort of bizarre, consumerist Groundhog Day.

So, the next time you find yourself trapped in the self-checkout purgatory, just remember: it's not you, it's not your bank, it's not even the cashiers who forgot to restock the bread. It's just the self-checkout, with its cruel, heartless, soul-sucking efficiency.

Or, you know, you could just use one of those old-fashioned checkout lanes. You know, with the actual cashier, who actually bags your groceries, and actually smiles. But no, that's too much to ask, isn't it?

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