Q: Why do you fart so much?
Because we are the Expert Gas Producers' Guild, our prophets are the best in the world! Our farts are a symphony of gassy delights, a cacophony of toxic trumpets, and a chorus of stinky trombones.
Q: What is the secret to producing such brilliant farts?
It's simple: we eat beans, we drink soda, we eat beans some more. The rest is just science, baby! Science of the anus, science of the gut, science of the nose.
Q: Can I join the Expert Gas Producers' Guild?
We welcome all gassy individuals. To join, simply fill out our membership application, and we'll send you a free gift: a fart-in-a-jar. Don't worry, it's not a trap, we promise it will smell like roses!
Q: What is the best way to deal with the aftermath of a fart?
Just blame it on the dog. Always. It's a classic.
Q: Can I use your farts as a source of energy?
We're flattered, but no. Our farts are art, not fuel. Besides, have you seen the price of gas lately? We're not exactly swimming in profits here.
Q: What is the most common complaint about our farts?
It's the smell. People just can't get enough of it! (Just kidding, it's the neighbors. They always complain about the smell. But we're like, "Hey, it's just a little something from the Expert Gas Producers' Guild, folks! Don't worry, it's a gift!").
Q: Can I request a fart with a specific color?
Ha! You think you're fancy? Our farts are like the Mona Lisa of gassy art: they're a masterpiece, and you just have to appreciate them for what they are. Besides, have you seen the color palette of a fart? It's a rainbow of stinky, toxic, and just plain gross.
See our collection of colorful farts
Q: Can I request a fart with a specific sound?
No, but we do have a CD of our greatest hits: "Fart to the Future" and "The Farting of the Wind." Just don't ask us to play it on our kazoo.
Q: Are your farts safe for the environment?
Safe? Ha! We're like the Exxon Valdez ofประก the Expert Gas Producers' Guild: we're a menace to society. But hey, it's a small price to pay for our gassy greatness.