Underground Bunker Emergency Procedures

Welcome to the Underground Bunker Emergency Procedures manual. This is not a drill, but it might as well be one because, well, you're underground.

Procedures for Non-Personnel (i.e., the Janitor)

In the event of a catastrophic toilet overflow, follow these steps:

1. Grab a nearby mop and frantically clean up the mess.
2. Call the Bunker's Maintenance Hotline (1-800-BUN-KILL).
3. If the mess is too large, deploy the Bunker's Emergency Toilet-Overflow Containment Unit (BOT-OCU).

Learn more about the BOT-OCU

Procedures for Bunker Inhabitants

In the event of a catastrophic air quality failure, follow these steps:

1. Put on your oxygen mask.
2. Crawl to the nearest Emergency Oxygen Station.
3. Carefully remove any debris blocking the oxygen vents.

Learn more about the Emergency Oxygen Stations

Procedures for Management

In the event of a catastrophic morale failure (i.e., a Bunker-wide existential crisis), follow these steps:

1. Call the Bunker's Crisis Hotline (1-800-BAK-BAK).
2. Deploy the Bunker's Emergency Morale Officer (BEMO).

Learn more about BEMO

View the Bunker's Floor Plan