Even Sarcastic Tweets

Just got back from the doctor and all they told me was to "take it easy for a week" Ugh, thanks doc. I was really hoping for some actual medical expertise.

Just realized I'm not a morning person. And by 'morning person' I mean I'm not a person. I'm just a human who happens to be awake.

Just had to cancel my flight to Hawaii because of a 'sudden case of existential dread'. Yeah, that's it. Not just a fancy way of saying I couldn't afford it.

Just got back from the coffee shop and all I got was a bunch of overpriced coffee and a 'free' pastry that was clearly a trap.

More tweets that are actually good