Epictetus' Dreams

"The universe is not a dream, but a nightmare from which I am waking up.

— Epictetus, Stoic Philosopher (or so he claims)

Epictetus was a master of the human condition, and his dreams were no exception.

Little known, however, is that he had a recurring dream about a talking pineapple.

One night, the pineapple said, "Epictetus, you are a mess, and your beard is on fire."

Epictetus was perplexed, but also slightly amused.

He pondered the pineapple's words and realized, "Ah, yes, my beard is indeed a fire hazard."

And so, he trimmed it.

But the pineapple had more wisdom to impart:

"Epictetus, you are not a philosopher, but a mere mortal, subject to the whims of your stomach."

Epictetus was taken aback, yet also intrigued.

He replied, "But pineapple, I am a sage, a font of wisdom!"

The pineapple retorted, "Wisdom, you say? I say you're just hungry."

And so, Epictetus had a snack.

And that, dear reader, is the story of Epictetus and his pineapple dream.