Welcome, dear reader, to the seventh installment of Dr. Pete's Guide to Absurdity.
Today, we're going to explore the intricacies of doing nothing. Not just any old doing nothing, but the kind of doing nothing that's so good, it's almost as if you're doing something.
As we've established in previous chapters, doing nothing is an art form that requires great skill and dedication. It's not just about sitting on the couch, staring at the wall, and eating Cheetos. No, no. It's an exercise in futility, a dance with the abyss of productivity.
Dr. Pete's personal favorite pastime is the art of staring at the ceiling tiles. There's something meditative about it, don't you think?
For those of you just starting out, we recommend beginning with the "Stare-at-a-Blank-Wall" exercise. Simply find a blank wall, focus your gaze upon it, and... well, stare. You may find your mind wandering to thoughts of existential dread or the meaninglessness of life, but that's just part of the process.
And remember, practice makes perfect. Don't be discouraged if you can't clear the 5-foot stare-at-a-wall mark in one sitting. It takes time, patience, and a strong stomach.
For more advanced practitioners, you may want to try your hand at "Extreme Ironing." This involves ironing a crisp, freshly laundered shirt while simultaneously watching paint dry. The goal is to achieve a state of flow, where the ironing and the watching are one, where the fabric is simultaneously smooth and creased.
And for the truly elite, Dr. Pete recommends "The Art of Not-Doing-the-Things-You-Don't-Want-to-Do." This involves deliberately choosing not to do things that you don't want to do, like going for a walk or engaging in any form of physical activity. It's a subtle art, really.
Stay tuned for more chapters in Dr. Pete's Guide to Absurdity, where we explore the many wonders of doing nothing, and the even more numerous wonders of not doing anything.
Want to learn more about the art of Extreme Ironing? Read on!
Want to learn more about the art of Stare-at-a-Blank-Wall? Read on!