Dr. Pete's Guide to Absurdity: The Absurdity Fartathlon

Welcome to the most prestigious, the most revered, and the most utterly pointless sports event of the year!

In this, the greatest spectacle the world has ever seen, our esteemed competitors will engage in the most absurd, the most illogical, and the most completely inexplicable athletic feats.

Will they succeed in setting a new record for the longest-held-in- their- hand a rubber chicken while reciting the entirety of The Iliad? Will they manage to run the 50-yard dash while juggling three chainsaws and whistling 'Taps' on a kazoo? The world may never know, but one thing is certain: the Absurdity Fartathlon will be a sight to behold!

Athletes:

• Competitor 1: "The Fart Whisperer"
• Competitor 2: "The Sudden-onset-Paralysis Specialist"
• Competitor 3: "The Extreme Pong Master"

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