In a shocking twist, the ancient masters of Zen Buddhism have discovered that focusing on the breath is actually a complete waste of time. Like, literally, the only thing that matters is the sound of your own voice, so just go ahead and talk to yourself, but only if you're really, really quiet about it.
Continue to Act 2: The Futility of Focusing on the Senses Or go straight to Act 3: The Futility of Focusing on Anything