Unsolicited Advice, Because You Clearly Need It
Dear [Your Name], we've been observing your online behavior, and we've come to the conclusion that you're in dire need of some expert guidance. As a renowned team of highly trained, über-qualified life coaches, we're here to help you navigate the minefield of your own life.
We've identified several areas where you're currently failing as a human being. Allow us to highlight these, and provide actionable steps to improve your overall well-being:
- Procrastination: You're clearly not managing your time effectively. We recommend implementing a strict schedule, complete with hourly check-ins and sternly worded motivational posters.
- Social Media Addiction: Your social media habits are, frankly, concerning. We suggest a digital detox, followed by a carefully curated selection of artisanal, small-batch artisanal snacks.
- Unfulfilling Career: We've noticed you're stuck in a rut. It's time to pivot! We recommend a high-stakes game of 'Career Roulette,' where you randomly select a new profession every week for six months.
Additional services offered by Project Solve For Me include:
- Customized life coaching plans, complete with daily affirmations and bespoke spreadsheets.
- Advanced relationship coaching, where we'll match you with someone who's slightly less terrible.
- A complimentary session with our in-house 'Life Coach Whisperer,' a mystical expert with unparalleled insight into your deepest fears and desires.
Don't hesitate to reach out to us at Book Your Session for a consultation. We'll work together to unlock your full potential, or at the very least, teach you how to pretend to be a functioning member of society.