Expert Consultant: Timeless Advice

For those who have given up on modernity and its conveniences.

We have answers, but they're not what you're looking for.

Ask Again Tell You What You Want To Hear

Some Timeless Advice

• Buy a typewriter, it's fun!
• Don't bother with the internet, it's overrated.
• Learn to play the accordion.
• Cook with a brick.
• Ride a unicycle.

Why Bother Asking Us?

We're experts in nothing, but we're experts in pretending.

Our credentials are a work in progress.

About Us (Or Not)

We're not really here, but you're here.

You're probably looking for someone, anyone, but we're not it.

Contact Us (If You Dares)

Send us a carrier pigeon, or better yet, a strongly worded letter.