We Don't Take Your Money

We get it, you've got some cash to burn. But let us be clear: we don't take it. Like, at all. Our prices are free. Like, really free. Free like a puppy. Free like a hug from your aunt. Free like the tears of a thousand failed startups.

But wait, you want to pay us for our services? Ha! Got a better idea, pal. Why don't you just, I don't know, go give your money to someone who actually needs it, like your ex who still lives in your parents' basement?

• Q: Why can't you just take my money?
• R: Because, like, we're not made of money, okay?
• Q: But I really want to pay you for your services!
• R: Sorry, buddy. You're going to have to take a hike. Or, you know, just use a free alternative service that actually takes your money. Like that one guy on the corner who will do your taxes for a few bucks.