Time Dilation Symptoms

Warning: Time Dilation May Cause...

• Spontaneous Human Combustion
• Temporal Lobe Spontaneous Combustion
• Excessive use of the phrase "I'm telling you, I'm from the future!"
• Uncontrollable urge to shout "WHOOOAAAHH!" whenever time passes

Side effects may include:

• Loss of hair (replaced by wispy, grey strands)
• Discoloration of skin (resembling a ripe paprika pepper)
• Mysterious disappearances from loved ones "for work"

Don't worry, it's just time dilation. It's a real thing. Prevention is better than cure, but if you're already experiencing symptoms, you can join a support group.