We're running out of time, and not just any time. The kind of time where you can still wear bell-bottom jeans without getting laughed at. The kind of time where you can still use a VHS player. The kind of time where you can still say "I'm with stupid" and not just get weird looks.
But no, our time is running out, and we're not even sure what we're doing with it. We've got a bunch of predestined events, but nobody knows what's going on. It's like trying to solve a Rubik's Cube, but the pieces are all moving on their own, and the instructions are written in hieroglyphics.
So, if you're feeling desperate, if you're feeling stuck, if you're feeling like you're trapped in a never-ending loop of déjà vu, then you've come to the right place. We've got a team of expert predestination specialists who are ready to take on the toughest predestination problems the universe has to offer.
Don't wait any longer! Contact us today to start unraveling the threads of time and space. Or just, you know, don't. We'll still get back to you eventually. Eventually. Maybe.
Or, if you're feeling extra desperate, try our Predestination Emergency Services. We'll send a team of highly trained predestination specialists to your location to sort out the mess. Or not. We're not really sure how that works.
Predestination is not a real thing. We're just making this up as we go. Don't @ us.