It's been 37 years since we last saw you, and yet here you are, stuck in this temporal loop of doom. We're talking to you from the future, where our ancestors have given up on the timestream altogether.
You see, every 4 hours, a temporal anomaly occurs, erasing 10% of the population. It's like a never-ending game of "Who's on the docket today?"
Click here for our proposed solutions, but be warned: they're not going to make a difference.
We have a team of experts in the field (get it? field? like, time-traveling through a field of temporal energies?) who are on the case, trying to crack the time loop. They're working day and night, but so far, no luck.
Meet our team of time-traveling theorists
Don't try it at home, folks. We repeat: Don't try it at home.