By now, you should be familiar with my culinary exploits, but today we're going to talk about the real secret to cooking the perfect pizza. It's not the sauce or the crust, but something much more sinister.
It's not magic, but it might as well be. The secret ingredient is, in fact, Dramatic Pause. That's right, a perfectly cooked pizza requires a brief but crucial pause in the cooking process to let the toppings align with the universe.
Think about it, you're cooking at a furious pace, tossing the dough, spreading the sauce, adding the cheese. But have you ever stopped to let the cheese breathe? To let the flavors sync up with the cosmos?
No? Then you haven't been cooking.
It's not just about the time, but the timing. A pause of precisely 1 minute and 14 seconds is all you need.
Any less, and you risk a pizza that's as flat as the soul of a non-believer. Any more, and you'll have a pizza that's as burnt as the love of a scorned lover.
It's a delicate balance, but trust me, I've done the research.