I have prophesied the answers to all your problems, but first you have to pay the subscription fee.

It's only $99.99 for the basic package, but you'll get access to:

Answers to your burning questions about the meaning of life (just kidding, those are free)
A personalized to-do list generator that tells you what to do with your life
The secret to making the perfect vegan quiche (patent-pending)

Or, if you're feeling fancy, you can upgrade to the premium package for only $999.99, which includes:

A complimentary session with our team of expert life coaches (who are also experts at making small talk)
A lifetime supply of our signature prophesied answer mints (just $10 each, or $50 for a pack of 10)
The secret to making the perfect vegan quiche, plus a side of artisanal kale chips

Don't wait any longer, sign up now and receive our special introductory offer: 20% off your first year's subscription! Sign up now!

Or, if you're still unsure, check out our FAQ: What's all this prophesied business, anyway?