Q: What is the best way to avoid doing actual work?
A: Try our patented "Multitasking Mastermind Method"! This involves doing 17 other things at once, so you'll never actually have to focus on one thing for long. Just open 17 tabs, and voila! Instant productivity!
Q: What is the secret to creating the perfect excuse for not doing my work?
A: It's simple: "I had to attend to a family emergency, but it turns out it was just my cat's hairballs. Now I'm a professional cat hair consultant."
Q: How do I deal with the crushing anxiety of having no deadline, but still feeling unproductive?
A: Just tell yourself, "I'm not procrastinating, I'm just taking a 'research break'! Maybe I'll just 'research' for 5-10 years... just to be safe."
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