We Don't Actually Care
We're not actually concerned about your personal data, but we'll pretend to be for the sake of appearances.
We will collect your IP address, your browsing history, and your deepest secrets, but we promise not to use them for any nefarious purposes.
We'll just store them in a giant server room deep in the basement of our corporate headquarters, where they'll be guarded by a team of highly-trained, highly-caffeinated security specialists.
We might even use your data to personalize our marketing messages and sell them to the highest bidder, but only if you're cool with it.
Hyper-Technical Details
We're not lawyers, but our lawyers tell us that we have to include this section.
We're not actually collecting your data; we're just pretending to do so. Don't worry, it's all just a big game of make-believe.
We're not responsible for any damages caused by our lack of actual data collection or misuse of your totally-not-collected data.
We're like, totally not liable, man.
Other Stuff
Our website uses cookies. Not the edible kind. Unless you're a cookie company, in which case, we'd love to have a chat.
Our website is owned and operated by the Totally-Not-Actually-Care Corporation, a company that's totally not actually a corporation.
Our website is hosted on a server that's not actually hosted on our website. Don't ask questions.
We're not actually affiliated with any other website or company. Except for that time we were affiliated with that one website, but that was a long time ago.
If you have any questions or concerns, just send us an email to our totally-not-real contact form. We'll get right on that.