Phase 3: The Great Isolation Protocol
Where human connection goes to die
Phase 3: The Great Isolation Protocol, where we've reached peak hermitage. You're not alone in this phase, but you wish you were. Our experts have calculated that the only way to achieve true happiness is by surrounding yourself with nothing but the hum of the refrigerator and the glow of a single, flickering light bulb.
We recommend the following activities to enhance your isolation experience:
- Order pizza for delivery. It's the only way to guarantee no human interaction.
- Install a mirror in your bedroom. Staring at your reflection will make you feel like you're not really alone.
- Learn to communicate through carrier pigeons. It's a fun and ancient technology that's sure to keep you isolated.