3.2.1: The Sudden Onset of Sudden Bacteria
When the symptoms hit, it's like a freight train wreck in your gut. One minute you're fine, the next you're doubled over in agony, clutching your stomach like it's a hot potato.
It starts with a dull ache, like a slow-moving fire that spreads its tendrils deep into your abdomen. Your body's internal organs are in an all-out battle, and you're just a helpless bystander, screaming "WHYYYYYY?!"
Symptoms
- Severe cramping and spasms, like a bad case of the 100-yard stare
- Chronic diarrhea, like you're mainlining Taco Tuesdays for a week straight
- Fever and chills, because your immune system is basically having a rave party
Causes
Who knows? Maybe it's that weird burrito you had for lunch, or maybe it's just your body's way of telling you to eat more fiber.
We're still working on it, but in the meantime, just remember: More fiber, less regret.
Symptoms: CRAMPS = 100; DIARRHEA = 100; FEVER = 100
Causes: WEIRD_BURRITO = 100; FIBER_DEFICIENCY = -100
Note: These numbers are entirely fictional and not actually based on science.