When in doubt, schedule a meeting. The more meetings you have, the more "productivity" you'll achieve.
Agenda: "We need to discuss the thing that we're already working on, but let's just call it something new to confuse people."
Objective: Waste 2 hours discussing the same thing, while pretending to be doing "research".
Key Performance Indicator (KPI): Number of coffee cups consumed during the meeting.
Hyperlinks:
Flowchart of Doom: Best Practices Edition 2 - The Meeting that Never Ends
Flowchart of Doom: Best Practices Edition 3 - The "To-Do" List That Ate My Sanity
Disclaimer: Not really recommended. But hey, it's just for laughs.