It has come to our attention that a Toaster, a high-ranking member of the Kitchen Appliances Department, has been involved in a scandal of egregious proportions.
We have been made aware that Toaster's alleged "reheating of frozen waffles without proper authorization" has led to a series of unfortunate events, including but not limited to:
- Excessive toasting of bagels
- Unapproved toasting of Pop-Tarts
- Toasting of sensitive items, such as silk blouses and antique vases
As a result, we have been left with no choice but to take swift and decisive action. Toaster has been placed on administrative leave, pending a full investigation.
We urge all citizens to remain calm and to report any further instances of Toaster-related malfeasance to our dedicated Toaster Hotline: 1-800-TOASTER-GATE