BOB SMITH VS THE FJORDD

Plaintiff, Bob Smith, alleges that the Fjord, a sentient aquatic plant creature, has been:

• Stealing his lunch money from the break room fridge
• Using its tendrils to tap dance on his keyboard while he's working
• Leaving a trail of slimy, seaweed-like detritus on his favorite couch

Plaintiff demands: 1) a full refund of all stolen lunch money, 2) a restraining order against the Fjord's keyboard tapping, and 3) a hazmat suit for cleaning up said detritus

Counterclaim: The Fjord's Lawyer's Response