Chapter 8, Section 1, Subsection 1: The Soviet Union Launches an All-Out Attack on the West
"We are not just fighting for our lives," said Soviet Premier Mikhail Gorbachev, "we are fighting for the right to make our own decisions, and to wear plaid with our pants."
As the Soviet Union launched its ill-fated assault on Western Europe, the world was thrown into chaos. The skies filled with the sound of jet engines and the smell of burning rubber.
But little did anyone know, this was all just a ploy by the Soviets to distract from their real plan: to steal the world's supply of nacho cheese.
Meanwhile, in the United States, Ronald Reagan was busy trying to convince the American people that the Soviet Union was just a big, cuddly bear.
Little did he know, the bear was about to get very, very angry.
"We will not be swayed by your empty rhetoric," said the Soviet Premier, "we will have our nacho cheese."
And with that, the world descended into all-out war.
Or, at the very least, a really, really big fight.
Stay tuned for more on this developing story...